


What Simon Says

by sten_bros (orphan_account)



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Compliant, Complete, M/M, Oneshot, Post-Canon, college fic, fluffy angst?, is that a thing?, no spoiler but engagement fic anyone?, simon and bram are both cinnamon rolls and i love them with all my heart, they deserve the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 09:30:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11620779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sten_bros
Summary: Everyone is going to college.Everyone, that is, except Bram.And Simon's sort of scared what that means for them.





	What Simon Says

"Simon."

They're on Bram's bed. 

Elaboration: they're on Bram's bed, and Simon lying is beside him. He doesn't have a shirt. And neither does Simon. 

And maybe it's best left at that.

Simon shifts to look over at Bram, whose arm is behind his head and gaze is on the ceiling. He looks deep in thought, and at first, Simon isn't sure Bram's aware he said anything. But then his gaze flicks towards Simon, briefly, so Simon rolls onto his side to face Bram. His boyfriend. His boyfriend of nearly two years. 

"Bram." Simon waits for Bram to respond, but he doesn't. Not yet. He's still in thought. "Abraham," Simon says, testing it out. He doesn't say it much. "Brammie." He's not sure how many nicknames he can come up with, but the last one makes Bram grin.

"You're leaving in a week," Bram says, and Simon can practically see sadness come over Bram like a wave. 

Leaving for college. In a week. To Georgia State University. Majoring in theater. Leah and Abby are both going too. And so is Cal Price. But Nick and Garrett aren't. They both got into some Georgia state college on soccer scholarships. 

Bram's the only one not going to college. Because even with his grades and potential student loans and grants and scholarships, Bram still can't afford to go. So instead, he'll be taking some online classes and working full time in hopes that he can transfer credits over in a year or so. 

"Yeah," Simon confirms. 

And Bram bites his lip, and Simon knows he's nervous. And then Simon feels dread settling over himself. Because what if this it? What if Bram doesn't want to struggle through working full time and college and decides that a relationship is an added stress he doesn't need right now?

"We're never gonna see each other," Bram continues.

"I'll be in downtown Atlanta. It's not that far," Simon points out. Except Bram is staring at the ceiling again, and he looks a little lost. 

Bram scoffs a little, in a un-mean way, and Simon can tell he's at least more than a little scared. "So it's long distance then?" 

"If that's what a couple of miles means, then yeah," Simon says, and there's an edge to his voice, because it seems sort of like Bram isn't interested in trying that. 

"Not like that," Bram cuts in. He sounds a little hurt. And Simon feels a little bad. "Just. We're going to be so busy. We're not ever gonna see each other."

And Simon has to smile a little. Even if he is minorly annoyed. It's not exactly a happy smile. Maybe it's even a little wry. They had to discuss it sometime. And Bram is scared of them growing apart. "I can drive back every weekend. It's not far."

Bram laughs. And it sounds a little bitter. "That's what they all say, isn't it?"

"What does that mean?" Simon asks, a little stunned. A little affrontedly. He's not used to Bram sounding bitter. And he's not used to Bram talking that much about things that bother him either. 

Bram sits up, with his back against the wall. And then he pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. And instead of the ceiling, he stares across his perfectly tidy room to the spot of wall above his desk. And Simon realizes he's not so much annoyed or bothered as he is hurt and scared. 

"I mean- everyone says things won't change. That they'll come home on weekends, and our group will stick together, and everything will be the same. But it's not true. Because everyone else is going to college, and everyone else is going to be busy with other things, and there's not going to be time for things to be this way ever again. And everyone is working towards doing something with their lives. And everyone is going to end up going their separate ways."

Simon bites his lip. "I thought you thought change was a good thing?" he asks uncertainly. He supports himself on his elbow and studies Bram's face. He looks- hurt, more hurt than he sounds. And he also looks shut off. Like he can't be reached by anything Simon has to say.

Bram lifts his head slightly, and Simon can see him swallow. Nervously. "What if for once I don't want things to change?" His voice sounds almost raw. Like he might start crying.

And Simon feels like sort of a douche for not pausing to stop and think about how Bram feels about everyone leaving. All of Bram's friends are getting caught up in the excitement of starting college and moving out, and Bram is still stuck in same place. And Simon thinks he's sort of terrified.

"What if they didn't change? What if we could still see each other every day?" He sits up. He takes Bram's hand. He twines their fingers together.

Bram looks at him. And he just looks so hurt, and Simon thinks Bram's scared this is a joke. Except he doesn't pull his hand away. "You know I can't-"

"I'm not talking about you coming to college," Simon clarifies. When Bram looks back to the wall without a response, Simon continues. "What if we got an apartment?" He notices Bram's eyes widen a little. Simon's not sure if that's good or bad.

There's a few minutes of silence. Bram looks like he's considering it, and Simon doesn't want to interrupt his thoughts. Bram's chewing his lip. It's a comfortingly normal sight.

"My mom wouldn't-"

"Your mom wouldn't want you to be unhappy," Simon interrupts. He knows what Bram's thinking, because this used to happen a lot when they first started dating. Bram used to pull away when they were making out because he was scared of going further. Because he still felt like there were lines he couldn't cross because of his mom's Christianity. Because Bram felt like there were certain things he could and couldn't do just because he didn't want to mar the image of himself with the people who support him at his church, despite all the sex talks his mom gave him when he came out and all the insistence that it was all okay. 

Simon has always respected that.

But Simon also thought Bram was past that. 

Simon supposes he thought wrong. Because Bram's still scared of what people will think of him going against the traditional Christian values he was raised on.

Simon suppresses a sigh. Because coming off as annoyed or unsupportive is the worst thing he could possibly do right now. He's made that mistake before, and Bram will end up shutting down completely if Simon screws this up. He takes a breath and does his best to sound supportive, because he understands. Even if he isn't religious, he gets it. He'd probably feel the same way if he were. 

"If you don't want to," Simon begins, "you don't have to. I get the whole unmarried-but-living-together thing. And I know you were rai-" 

"I do want to," Bram interrupts. He tilts his head back a little. Breathes in. Then looks at Simon. "Just- not like that."

So it's a line Bram won't cross. There's silence between them. And Simon can't tell if it's awkward. Bram doesn't identify with any Christian denomination, but he's still religious. And he doesn't really talk about it. But maybe that's because Simon never really asks. Maybe he should.

"Like what?" Simon asks finally. He feels a little panicked, a sensation pulling at his stomach and his arms feel cold. He's scared. Because it seems like this conversation is going to end in a break up. And that's not what Simon wants.

"Do you think we'll still even be dating once you graduate college?" Bram asks.

Simon doesn't hesitate in correcting him. "We," he says. "You're gonna make it too." And it's only until after he speaks that he realizes he probably said the wrong thing.

"I know," Bram says. Except it sort of sounds like he's not sure. And Simon's thinks he gets it. Because everyone else is already going off, and he feels trapped like he's not sure he can make anything out of his life.

Simon grins. "What if-" he hesitates when Bram looks at him. Then he takes a steadying breath and continues. "What if we stay together?" When Bram opens his mouth to protest, Simon cuts him off. "Not like physically. Like not at an apartment together or college or anything. I mean like relationship-wise."

Bram dips his chin a little. It's something like a nod. "Like if we don't break up," he says. 

Simon pauses. Because he wasn't expecting those words to escape from Bram's mouth, even if he was scared they were going to. "You don't want to, right?"

Bram hesitates. It's a long hesitation. It lingers into almost a minute. And Simon closes his eyes and tries to steady himself for the break up he realizes is now coming. He feels Bram lift their entwined hands and feels Bram kiss his fingers. And then Bram lets their hands drop again. "Isn't that what you want?" he says finally.

Simon tilts his head against the wall. And he can feel his eyes begin to pool with tears. "No."

"No?" Bram repeats. And Bram sounds relieved. And Simon sort of has to look at him. "I- you were spending so much time getting ready for college. It- it was like everyone forgot about me," Bram begins, hesitantly, and he looks close to tears too. And Simon realizes just how much he's been neglecting their relationship lately. Canceling dates to talk with college reps. Getting tours. Applications. All that stuff. And he gets why Bram would feel so bad over the whole thing. "I- I don't want you to leave me behind."

Simon sniffs. 

And Bram has to wipe his eyes because he's tearing up too. 

"So what does this mean?" Simon asks finally. He decides he's not going to be the one who calls the shots. It's all up to Bram now. He doesn't want to leave Bram behind. And Bram doesn't want him to. But what if it can't be helped?

There's another few minutes of silence between them. 

And then, finally:

"I don't know."

And Simon sighs. Because it doesn't feel like either of them is really trying anymore. And both of them are scared. He opens his mouth to speak, but Bram cuts him off this time.

"What if we got engaged?" Bram suggests.

And it doesn't register right away. Not at first. So Simon just stares at him in shock. And Bram is grinning. And Simon has to smile back. "For real?"

Bram shrugs. "Depends," he says. "Think you can go for another few years without falling for Cal Price?"

"God," Simon mutters. "That was one time. I thought he was you." Except he's not mad. In fact, he can't stop smiling. 

"Why would I fall for Cal Price," Simon begins, "if I can't stop falling for you?"

Bram blushes. And Simon has to laugh. "I- I don't have a ring," Bram says sheepishly. And Simon wonders if this will really fix anything. And he's not sure, but it's worth a shot.

Simon shrugs. And then he leans over and kisses the edge of Bram's mouth. "Maybe we need to seal it with a kiss?" he suggests. 

Bram blushes again. "I- I was sort of thinking we could go buy some," he says. "Rings, that is." And Simon can picture it. Picture them buying rings, and picture himself at college, engaged. And then after that.... After that....

And then there's this silence between them again. And Bram sighs. "I- I know this doesn't fix anything. Or makes any of this easier. Or means that it won't be really hard being sort of long distance. Or-"

"I know," Simon says. Because he doesn't want Bram to back out of it. Because he knows what he wants for his life. Because even if he's not sure where he's headed, he wants to be going there with Bram. No matter how difficult that is. "I don't care. Let's go make it official. Jaques a dit."

"If that's what Simon says," Bram confirms. 

Simon smiles. In an awed, in-love sort of way. And Bram chews his lip. 

"I love you," Simon says.

"I know."

"Of course you know." Simon again. Teasingly.

And then a short pause.

"I love you." Bram. "You know I love you, right?"

"Bram Greenfeld, will you marry me?" 

And maybe it's best left at that.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya'll, I'm getting this fandom to 50 fics. You cannot stop me.


End file.
